Only Child Syndrome. . .

I apologize for not posting as of late, but working part time while maintaining my full time job as "mom" has taken up much of my free time.  Also, my last blog post was eaten by the computer demons and the frustration from that prevented me from engaging for some time (seriously, what blog site doesn't have auto-save anymore??), anywho, I'm finally over the loss of my last post and willing to move on.  I know I need to get a good post updating all you alls on Stets and how he's doing (he's flippin' CUTE - and SASSY and plain perfect), but for now, let me give you a piece of my mind.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about only children.  Don't get your panties in a bunch just yet, we haven't made any decisions for future children, but it has led me consider the idea of having Stets be our one and only.  From the time we are young the traditional family consists of parents and siblings.  Only children are considered spoiled and their parents are either thought to be selfish or unable to conceive future children.  But who’s to say this wasn't a choice that was made by the parents, and more so, who's to say that is so wrong.

I love the dynamic of my current family. There is so much laughter and joy, it's calm and although more messy than just Brad and I, still completely bearable.  Adding another child would definitely create more chaos and mess - don't get me wrong, it will probably be mess I would more than endure due to the fact I imagine I will love that future (maybe) family just as much, if not more than more current family, but sometimes I'm left thinking, "if it's not broke, why fix it?"

Brad and I kinda "rolled the dice" with Stetson.  Neither of us were completely sold on the idea of having children.  In fact I remember Brad once saying "I can't imagine us having a baby or a toddler but when I see our future we have older kids we can hang out with and grandkids", I couldn't have agreed more.  The idea of me, a very social, constantly on the go person, having a baby seemed alien to me (don't even get me started on my thoughts of pregnancy).  But after we moved to Chicago we thought, let's throw caution to the wind and see what happens.  Well, I'll tell ya what happens when you do that, 3 pregnancy tests later and a minor panic attack, along with 9 months of having no idea what you were getting into and you end up with this. . . .sigh - pure love.

So yes, we threw caution to the wind and gave the idea of a child a chance, and it worked out better than I could have ever imagined.  What is often the case with new moms, you find yourself questioning if you could ever love something this much again.  The answer is  - you probably can (I'm assuming), but do you have to?

I'm reading a book recommended to me from my friend/ neighbor.  The One and Only.  It defends the idea of an only child, although written by an only child who has decided to have only one child, I'm sure it may be a bit bias, but I do appreciate her bringing both sides, and finally justifying why having an only child isn't just wrong, it might actually be best for some families.

She mentions in the book how larger families were a necessity for survival several centuries ago, due to infant mortality rate and the work a family needs to do just to survive (farming, workmanship, etc), that has maintained the idea of an ideal family centuries later after our "need" for one has long passed.

Many arguments are made that only children are spoiled - but so are youngest children, by definition, as well.  People say that only children have selfish parents, but in my opinion if I think I might be happier with only one child, doesn't that reflect on my child's upbringing?  If I have another child simply so he can have a sibling and he, hypothetically, doesn't even like his sibling, where does that leave me?  Don't get me wrong, I am the middle of 3 kids, and I could never imagine my life without my siblings.  Not only do they buffer my occasional annoyance with my parents, but they also are constants in my life whether it is an old inside joke, or someone to lean on.  Would it be fair for me to take that away from my child?

I have spoken to some only children about this recently, I have one friend who admits they would do ANYTHING for a sibling, and another friend who claims they love being an only child and sees their parents as their go-to relatives.  I guess the same argument can be made for children with siblings, some would never do without their brothers and sisters, while others may wish they never existed.  Who knows.

In the end, we rolled the dice with Stetson and won a jackpot, who knows if our luck has run out or if we are only getting started.  We have time to decide but it was something I never thought was an option, if you have kids, then you clearly have more than one.  But I'm not one to let society decide for me, so only time will tell.

Till next time

Peace, love and quiet evenings at home,

Brigid, Brad, Stetson and Zeki

 

Comments

[kelly]

As one of your friends who is an only child I agree-- do what is right for YOU. There is a whole lotta nonsense ideas out there about only children, middle children, blah blah, blah.......a good family is a good family regardless of size :)